A Little Gas

Isn't it funny how when we do something embarrassing the first thing we do is check to see who saw rather than attend to our injuries?  Here is just such a story.  Thanks for sharing Jerica!

From Jerica:

Two winters ago Forrest, Brad, and I were out riding the snow machines in Rushton's field. This is the first time I had driven one so I was a little scared. After a while, we rode over to the end of the field closest to the garbage bins. There were three rows of drifts that had been plowed to help keep snow off the road. I was feeling brave so I decided to slowly go over two of the drifts. I turned around and waited for Brad to jump off it to go back onto the field. Then it was Forrest turn to jump then I would ride over (not jump). I went too close behind Forrest when he went and as I was going, the rooster tail of his jump caught me in the face which caused me to hit the gas a little ( by a little I mean a lot) and I ended up going over it at an angle instead of straight on. By doing that it had bucked me off. I was sure I was going to get run over but the left side of my body just, very hard, hit the side of the machine and I missed the tracks. I popped my head up and look over at the garbage bins and see Christine waiting for the school bus to pick up her kids. I bust up laughing because if I was in her position, I would be laughing hysterically. Forrest and Brad must have saw it happen cuz they came riding back over laughing their heads off.

Oh Deer!

Like most of you, I have always been known for driving at “reasonable speeds”.  Dad and I had an agreement that a “reasonable speed” for Juniper Road was 45 mph.  One morning I was headed to school in the blue Pontiac Phoenix (not much of a looker, but man, that was a cozy ride).  Really, I was only doing about 45, I promise.  Just past Rushton’s, but not quite to Ben’s, a suicidal deer jumped out of the tall grass in the borrow pit… Thunk.

Nailed it.

So, I thought “well, I’m less than a mile from home, I should probably turn around and run home real quick and let Dad check out the car and make sure it will get me safely to school and back home again.  As I was driving back to the dairy, I was a little nervous about telling Dad about my misfortune, trying to figure out exactly how I would present my predicament and trying to figure out what Dad’s reaction might be (Why was I worried?  Have you met that guy?  Does not anger easily…) 

Thunk.

Are you serious?!? (Some other expletives may or may not have crossed my mind at this minute.)

For Real.  I totally hit another deer. 

Good grief.  Now I am really nervous about telling Dad.  My stomach was in knots as I walked into the barn parlor where Dad was completing the morning milking. 

Me in a shaky voice.  “Dad?”

Dad let the current batch of cows out, closed the gait, and turned to listen.

“I hit a deer.  But I was only going 45, I promise, you said 45 was a good speed for this road.”

Dad “Not when there are deer!”

I continued with my tale at what I’m sure was 100 miles a minute. “But then I turned around for you to look at the car and... I hit another deer.”

Dad shot me a look of disbelief and kind of laughed (what a relief).  “You hit two deer?”

“Yes.”

“Are you sure you didn't hit the same deer twice.”

“Yeah, I’m sure, there is no way that first deer could have jumped out of the grass that fast again.  I hurt her for sure.”

Dad got the next batch of cows going and followed me to my car.

Observing the deer feces (and fur) on the front of my car, “You scared the crap out of them!”

Haha… I love that guy!  We checked out the car, all looked well, but decided just to be safe I should drive the Suburban to school (maybe he was worried I would hit another one and needed a better defense?). 

It’s Juniper/Malta, I don’t know why I was surprised when everyone somehow knew about the deer before I got to school.  Everyone except Diana… haha it was like 6 months or a year later when she asked me about my deer episode. :)

And yes, dad went out and indeed found TWO dead (or nearly dead) deer part way up the hill.

Your Mother Doesn't Need to Know About This

So, I'm not really sure if this is my story to tell, but it is a story I'm quite sure Dad would not tell, so you are going to get my version...  If it is too controversial maybe it will be a two part post: Part I She Says, Part II He Says, type deal.  Anyway, on to my story.

Utahna and I were hanging out at the house one evening and Dad came in and grabbed us letting us know that he needed our help with something.  Like obedient daughters do, we followed Dad to the barn where he explained the predicament he was in and what we were to do to help reverse the situation.

See, Dad had pulled up to the barn in our classy white Oldsmobile Eighty-Eight, the one with the awesome red plush interior.  He was just going to run inside, so he put the car in park (or so he thought... who put neutral right next to park anyway?!?).  You are all familiar with the landscape of the dairy, from the barn you go down a slight incline and at the bottom you can go right toward Sanford's place, or left toward the Rushton's farm.
OR....

You can go straight.

Straight into the ravine.

Oops.

That's embarrassing!  

So when we got there, there was our beautiful car, nose first in the ravine.  We hooked our car to the tractor (can't remember which one) and I hiked down the ravine to steer the car as Dad pulled it out.  I remember wondering how safe the car was to be in, but I trusted Dad and we retrieved the car safely.  

Following the expedition, Dad says to us.  "Your mother doesn't need to know about this."

I guess he was serious too, cuz a few days later Tuna and I were laughing about it while we were working in the garden with mom and her response was one of shock "WHAT HAPPENED???"  I really thought he would have told her...

Sorry Dad... haha, but not that sorry, or I probably wouldn't have posted it here for all of Juniper to discover!

Why Do They Call it PMS???

BECAUSE MAD COW DISEASE WAS ALREADY TAKEN!!!

Haha... Levi's favorite joke.

But seriously, this is one story about a mad cow you are not gonna wanna miss!

From Jason:

Every morning before school I had to feed the cows.  While I was feeding, either Dad or Uncle Ross would milk the cows, if they saw me in the morning they would con me into gathering the cows from the corral to the holding pen for them.  

One such morning, I guess I wasn't sneaky enough, so Ross got me to go get the cows for him.  I hiked up the hill and brought all the cows down and around, when I got to the straw pile I did all my whooping and hollering to get the cows up and going; there was one cow in the corner that was not getting up. I walked along the wall up to her and kicked her to get her going.  She looked at me and as she got up, she charged at me!  With a lightning-quick-farm-ninja move, I stepped to the side and she hit her head on the wall. As I looked at her from a distance, she seemed pretty defensive. I decided not to press my luck with her so I just looked at her number (I can’t remember what it was now) and went on. When I had gathered the rest of the cows in the holding pen, I went in and let Uncle Ross know I had gathered them all except for one and gave him the cow’s number.  

Ross asked “Why didn't you bring her in?”

When I told him that the cow had charged me he gave me a questioning look as if I were talking nonsense.  He confirmed the number with me and was pretty confident that “that cow would not do such a thing.”  Together we went out to get the cow.  As we neared the straw pile he went up to check the number on the tag as I hung back, keeping my distance from the mad cow.  

When Ross confirmed the number he turned around to tell me that “this cow would not hurt a …..”

As he spoke I saw the cow charging toward him in the background, I pointed at the cow stuttering Uncle Ross's name.

Uncle Ross said “What?”

He turned around to see what I was pointing at; just then the cow hit him sending him sliding in the fresh manure.  The cow broke off and turned around for another run.  Not quite sure what to do I waved my arms and hollered while Ross raised his hand at the cow while working his way off the ground. Between the commotions the two of us made, the cow backed off.  

As we walked away from the straw pile I said to Uncle Ross “Nice cow huh?”

He didn't have much to say.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Aren't you glad you stopped by?!?  I told ya it was a good one!  To keep reading such fine literature, e-mail me your stories!  jami_c_hurst@hotmail.com

Yeah, That's Embarrassing!

Haha... you are all in for a real treat.  Mom has a couple of really great "most embarrassing moment" type stories.  Some I'm certain will never be told on this blog (d/t a healthy fear for my own life)... However, she agreed to share this one with you all. So, go empty your bladder and come back... seriously there's a good chance you'll laugh so hard tears will roll down your legs.
----------------------------------------------------------
From Kammy: 

One beautiful summer day, I loaded the kids and the lawnmower in the little red pickup and headed over to Sanford's.  I also took the pitchers so we could stop at the dairy and pick up some much needed milk on the way home.  To my dismay, the milk truck showed up before we had accomplished our task.  I quickly left instructions for the kids and jumped into the pickup and raced over to try and get some milk before the tank was drained.  I knew the milkman had to run a hose from his trailer through the little access door in the barn wall and attach it to the milk tank.  I also knew from past experience, if I had managed to get there before he had it all hooked up, he would let me go into the barn and get my milk before he started loading the milk.  I maneuvered the pickup between the semi and the end of the barn to check out his progress.  Sure enough, the milkman was standing in between.  I edged the pickup closer for a better look, trying to decide if he was just getting started or just finishing.  Unfortunately, I didn't have my contacts in so I was leaning forward over the steering wheel, nose close to the glass, and staring wide-eyed out the windshield -- only to discover that he was "relieving" his bladder!  I was mortified: and he didn't look too happy either!  Needless to say, I made a red-faced and hasty retreat, deciding we could go without milk easily for one day under the circumstances.  Later, I related the whole incident to Juel, he just laughed and asked, "Sooooo, was he just getting started, or just finishing?!"
----------------------------------------------------------
You can bet there was an endless string of bad puns around our house for quite some time! ;)

Speaking of milk truck... this really hit my funny bone: